He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
