We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
