I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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