I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize