I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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