With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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