this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.