You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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