yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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