He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
