yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
