Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
