just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
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Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
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Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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