You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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