There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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