people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
