Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Dick very happy bro
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
