god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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