you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize