they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
