She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
