Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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