remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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