yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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