Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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