I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
