I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I wish life had little blips of pornography
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
