His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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