is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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