I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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