chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
