I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I am one with the molecules
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize