It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
