how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
