I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
