I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
