I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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