What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
