Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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