fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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