I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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