Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
