I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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