I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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