Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
