I cannot find my penis.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
my poor anus
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
