so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
