he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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