Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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