he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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