Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
