Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
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I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
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If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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