just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
