I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
