I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
