Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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